i•den•ti•fy : verb// to associate closely with; to establish who or what someone is
Yesterday, September 9, 2018, I did just that. For those of you who don’t know, I was diagnosed with an eating disorder in 2015 that controlled my life for 3 years. But yesterday, I put do death what I “thought” my identity was — a number on the scale, how many “likes” I could get on an Instagram post, receiving compliments, and claimed my identity in Christ. I would like to say that Christ has always been my priority in life, but I would be lying to you. I grew up in a Christian home with parents who loved me and showed me Jesus daily, got baptized when I was 10, was super involved with the Church — the whole 9 yards. Christ was VERY important to me, but He wasn’t where I found my identity. I loved Him and loved telling people about Him, but as Paul says so clearly in the Bible, he became a victim to the flesh. And living according to the flesh is a very trapping thing. It leaves you feeling incomplete, searching for other means of feeling whole…and my search lead me straight to Rock Bottom. There’s so much more I could say about all this, but I realized enough was enough. Only Christ could fulfill me. I didn’t understand God’s grace until I experienced it, and when He recovered me from that eating disorder He showed me how life with Him and finding my identity in Him is so much better. He brought me from a life leading to death to a life of freedom and feeling ALIVE, and that is something I can’t describe.
With all that being said, yesterday I put to death my past filled with insecurities, doubts, guilt, shame, fear, and regret and was raised feeling free, refreshed, shameless, and alive. I’m no longer finding myself based on the fact I had an eating disorder. I am already FOUND in Christ. The fact I had an eating disorder is just a fact. It’s not my stamp. It’s not where my identity is found. All we could ever want or need is found in Christ. Jesus truly is my joy, and He is worthy to be worshipped and spoken of, and I pray that I can somehow serve Him gladly.
“And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. ButGod, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, a result of works, so that no one may boast.For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”